Well, I now know for sure what is wrong with me. For months I have been wracked with pain for which there was seemingly no cure. And what is wrong with me? Acid Reflux! Yeah, you read right. a simple, easy to fix problem. not so easy, for i am on meds 4x a day for approximately 6 months... if i'm lucky. right now i am suffering mostly from a fat lip (don't know where i got that) and an extremely sore throat. my voice is unrecognizable, my friend didn't believe me when i said it was me on the phone...;__;

If i'm actually lucky, I will get to go see the Taste the Chaos concert in March. 30 Seconds to Mars, Saosin, Chiodos, The Used. a good line up if you ask me!

Hi! Feeling slightly better... but not by much. I am having a surgical procedure done in the morning and am not under any circumstances looking forward to it! But in a few hours I will be seeing Blood and Chocolate with my friend, and applying for a new job at several nearby book stores. Wish me luck!

Certainly not me! The people I had hoped to affect with my earlier posts must not have seen it, because now they don't even acknowledge my existence! I'm not sure if I care, but I do want my CDs back. This is bull. I have officially stopped caring!

You know what? I'm done with people who fuck up their friendships and can't get themselves out of the bad situation. I don't mean to be crude or mean. I know, I'm in such a situation, and frankly sometimes I hate myself. And no matter how many times I'm left standing there... bereft. Where did my "family" go? that's how i thought of them. as family. but no longer, because they are only fair-weather friends. when "he" is not in the picture, it's okay to talk to me, but not at any other time. "he" is more important to them than I EVER was. why does it hurt so much? because i can't let go of it? I've never had friendships fail so horribly it left me sick. physically sick. or at least in part. i make bad decisions. i know that. when i should leave well enough alone i can't. i have to step in to try and make things better. but then, as soon as the hurt wears off enough, i'm dropped again like a bad habit. I find myself close to tears, in a depression that would dim the happiest of people. Yes, i have people i can and do turn to, and they will be more effective when i am not daily faced with my painful failure. for who else could be at fault? surely not they? it is solely my responsibility to take care of myself and those who care for me. i in turn, will give myself to them. i'm told i'm too generous to my friends. tho this is not necessarily a bad thing, i'm told, it can have adverse effects... on me. i found that out the hard way. don't think you know, because unless you've felt the utter abandonment of friends you consider sisters, when you've never had closer friends IN YOUR LIFE, you don't know. very few can honestly say that they truly know the pain that comes with a betrayal of that magnitude. It is utterly incomprehensible.

I feel no better... but now you know.


.............. does anyone care?............ at all?

don't talk, don't worry, don't listen, don't care, don't think..... leave well enough alone...... i know no one cares... but neither do i. i don't even care if they see it. they'll know who they are. don't worry, no names were mentioned to damage your reputations... i'm the only one who knows.

Okay, I officially suck at being alive. Alot has happened. I'm sick for one thing, and will be visiting a specialist. Tomorrow, in fact. I have been reading alot, and PURCHASING music for a change. I graduate in a few months, and look forward to a relatively uneventful summer. Also, I had a fairly important birthday, and suddenly became rather popular among the older crowd at work, getting invited to what can only be considered VIP parties. Which is cool! I'm not gonna lie. Also, I have had some... strife with some so called friends of mine and have broken most ties to them. Tho I do need to get my CDs back, or I'll cry. Not that anyone cares, but I did have to at least apologize for my... extended absence.

Okay. So it's been almost a week, but I do have some stuff up!

Or i did. Rapidshare hates me! I spent hours uploading stuff and it won't let me access it. I'm sorry. I'll try again.

I'm sooooo sorry that i didn't update on time... i have been so busy, but here is one file to hold you over.......



Bullet for My Valentine - Hand of Blood



Now I have to get back to work... gotta go!

I am going to ask for your forgiveness.  Due to the nature of my computer, most of the files I will be uploading for your use will be in wma format... I apologize for any inconvenience and distress this may cause... 

I apologize to all, that I haven't logged on in a while.  I'm sorry, but I have been SOOOOOOOO busy, what with Homecoming and homecoming preparations and demanding friends... I hope to have some time on Saturday to upload some new stuff... mostly albums I "rented" from the library.  Moby, Bjork, Bangles, Interpol, Good Charlotte, Black Label Society, Hawthorne Heights, and lots of Sarah Brightman.  I'll put up a double rotation, 'cuz I feel bad not getting one up last week.  Please tell me if you are looking for anything.  BTW, I have recently acquired DIE Prophezeiung Klassik Edit (*cough akutenshi666 cough*)  ^-^ thank you, I love it, btw.

mmmmmkay, so I gots to go, ma peeps are awaitin'!!!

Yay, I get to see Kate!

Another rotation... enjoy and please comment.....  ^-^


That is all I have the energy for today.  Enjoy!!!!!